i got to be me.

"i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me everyone else, was already taken
i got to be me, i got to be me, i got to be me
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
i got to be me!
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11 REASON WHY I GOT TO BE ME!" - JR Ewing "Everyone Else"

that's right Mr. Tylden, i got to be me.

i think i'm tired.

it's all my fault.
suddenly i realized that we're actually in a not-serious-relationship. i was wrong. i can't expect some seriousness or commitment in a not-serious-relationship. that's why it's called a "not-serious-relationship". you're right, i only know a plenty of shit about you and i never been in a serious deep meaningful relationship before, and i'm sorry. i've been wrong since months ago, i tried my best to show how much i really care about you and hoping that you'll be "serious" with me in return. i'm sorry if i sounded too serious. this care-about-you thing is not an act, i do really care about you because i love you. but i think i'm tired and starting to gave up on it.

what am i to you?

am i really the most special guy in your recent life? then why do you treat me like SHIT?

i still can't believe that you once hoped me to rot in hell after all that i did to you. i wouldn't go that far, i would never curse you. for months i tried my best to show how much i really care about you. and i think i'm tired, because it's going nowhere. uh, fuck it. i don't give a shit about it anymore, i'm ready to be heartbroken.

life's not fair, maybe that's just the way it is.

so what am i to you?

a driver?
an escape?
a lover?
a negative person?
a smartypants person?
a person to-rot-in-hell to?

let's just hope for a miracle.

New Year's Eve

what are we celebrating? the earth revolved around the sun? a new hope? new resolution?
fuck year resolutions. if we can do it right now, why don't we just do it instead of writing it?